so be it.

I am no longer my own, but yours. 
Put me to what you will, rank me with whom you will;
put me to doing, put me to suffering;
let me be employed for you or laid aside for you,
exalted for you or brought low for you;
let me be full, let me be empty;
let me have all things, let me have nothing;
I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things to your pleasure and disposal. 
And now, glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
you are mine and I am yours.  So be it. 
And the covenant now made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven. 
Amen.

why hello there week 12.

This semester is flying by. Part of me is excited to get it behind me, but another part of me is sad to see it coming to a close. This has been an intense semester, both inside and outside the classroom. Classes have stretched me more this semester than ever before; they have challenged me academically, but more than that they have challenged the way I understand and relate to the world. I can confidently say that I have learned and grown more this semester than I ever could have imagined, but it definitely hasn’t been easy! And I know that I’ve learned far more than I realize at this point, still in the middle of the hectic push toward the finish line. Outside of classes, life has been quite the rollercoaster this semester. I have hardly had the chance to have a “normal” few weeks without a crisis of some sort, which has made it difficult to concentrate at times. But in spite of it all, on this Monday night of week 12, I am still alive and pressing on. Next week is Thanksgiving Break, followed by weeks 14, 15, and finals. It’s hard to believe we only have two more weeks of classes after this week!

So, besides classes (which are in and of themselves great opportunities), this semester I’ve had some pretty incredible opportunities and experiences. First, I went to a conference called Israel/Palestine: Pathways to Peace, which was a great opportunity to learn more about peacemaking efforts in the Middle East. Then, I went on a silence & solitude retreat for my Spiritual Disciplines class, which turned out to be a lot more enjoyable than I had anticipated! And my last two weekends have been filled with training: first, I went through Module II Hispanic ministry training, so now I am a certified lay missioner for Hispanic ministry in the UMC! And this past weekend I finished my mediation training at Bluffton, which means I can start co-mediating cases for my mediation certification. All of these things have been awesome, but they’ve made for busy weekends (aka no weekends at all)! And this weekend I am headed to GA with PEACE Club for a nonviolent demonstration. Then…home for Thanksgiving!

So, here’s to peace and protests and turkeys and theology and huge papers and friends and everything else that will fill the pages of my life for the next few weeks!



Peace.

Katie :)

it’s a beautiful bluffton life :)

I am in the middle of a crazy semester. Actually, I’m just past the middle…and it’s flying by. It’s hard to believe that sophomore year at Bluffton is 1/4 over…it feels like we just moved back to campus! But time flies when you’re having fun (or in the library…or both), and we’ve definitely been having fun. Here’s some proof:

    
It has been a fantastic year so far. But it has been a deeper form of fantastic than pictures can capture…filled with so much learning, reflecting, discussing, and hoping in a community that never ceases to amaze, surprise, and encourage me.

So…here’s to blogging again. Here’s to reflecting on life’s experiences both inside and outside the classroom that are changing who I am and how I see the world. Here’s to the beautiful Bluffton life! :)

Pray Peace. Make Peace. Live Peace.

Katie :)

reflections on "The Spirit of the Disciplines" chapters 5-7

This week, I would like to reflect on a few different parts of chapters 5-7 of Dallas Willard’s The Spirit of the Disciplines. As I have spent more time with this text, it has become increasingly clear that Willard’s theology is very different from my own. My experience with this text has been frustrating and rewarding, and it seems like with every page comes a new reaction, question, or frustration. This journal is a reflection of those experiences— the good, the bad, and everything in between.

I really struggle with Willard’s definition of spirituality in chapter five. I would agree with his statement that “spirituality is a matter of another reality,” but in the next sentence he goes on to say that “[spirituality] is not a ‘commitment’ and it is not a ‘lifestyle’” (67). For me, what makes spirituality another reality is the fact that it is a commitment and is a lifestyle. I view faith and spirituality as a commitment, not in addition to all of my other commitments…but as the one commitment that supersedes all others. Some synonyms for commitment are loyalty, pledge, promise, and dedication. For me, spirituality is all of these things. Spirituality creates space for me to live into an alternate reality only when spirituality is a commitment— my highest loyalty. The second thing Willard says that spirituality is not is a lifestyle (67). This seems like a complete contradiction to chapter three, which is entitled, “Salvation Is a Life” (28). If salvation is a way of life, and our way of life is to reflect our salvation, then spirituality is a lifestyle. Willard goes on to say that though spirituality is not a commitment or a lifestyle, “a commitment and lifestyle will come from it” (67). I would argue that a commitment and lifestyle are not simply results of spirituality; these things are the essence of spirituality.

Willard also asserts that spirituality is “not a social or political stance” and that “the essence and aim of spirituality is not to correct social and political injustices” (67). He goes on to say that while “[correcting injustices] will be its effect…that is not its use” (67). For me, the alternate reality in which spirituality enables us to live is an inherently social and political one. As for the social aspect of spirituality, Willard himself says in chapter seven that “the new life in Christ…is a life of the whole embodied person in the social context” (111). It is difficult for me to understand how it is possible for an “embodied” spiritual life “in the social context” to be separate from a “social stance” (Willard 67, 111). As for the political nature of spirituality, I would argue that our faith commitment is a political stance. In his book He Came Preaching Peace, John Howard Yoder illustrates the political implications of citizenship in God’s Kingdom: “This new nation, the people of God, is the Christian’s first loyalty. No political nation, no geographic homeland to which one belongs by birth, can take precedence over the heavenly citizenship of a Christian in one’s new birth” (23). Spirituality— living a life according to one’s faith commitment— is as political as pledging allegiance to the flag of any nation. Last but not least, this idea that spirituality will result in, but should not be used for, the correction of injustices, is a difficult one for me to grasp. This is partly because I understand spirituality to be a whole life endeavor and partly because of my understanding of Christ’s life as a political one. Christ consistently and unapologetically confronted situations of oppression and injustice (Matt. 21.12-13) and we are called to do the same. For me, confronting and correcting injustices cannot be separated from spirituality.

So, in conclusion, I would like to express my appreciation for this text. In this journal it may seem like I disagree with everything Willard has to say, but this is not really the case. There are also many things I agree with, but journaling about the things in the book that I struggle with helps me better understand my own theology in light of Willard’s. I value this opportunity to read and engage a text written by an author whose theology stands in contrast to my own.

Pray Peace. Make Peace. Live Peace.

Katie :)

reflections on “The Spirit of the Disciplines” ch. 1-3

This week as I have read from The Spirit of the Disciplines, I have found myself laying a foundation for my understanding of the spiritual disciplines. In chapter one, Willard explains that the secret of the “easy yoke” is passionately living one’s faith in one’s WHOLE life, not just in parts (10). To expand on this principle, Willard explained that the goal of spiritual disciplines and spirituality in general is to become so much like Christ that Christ-like actions and decisions come naturally to us (9). I was struck by this concept: “True Christlikeness comes at the point where it is hard not to respond as [Christ] would” (8). Here, Willard is basically saying that the point of following Christ is not to arrive at a point in our lives where acting like Christ is a viable option; the point of following Christ is to arrive at a point in our lives where acting like Christ is the only option. This radical view of discipleship has caused me to ask different questions about where I am on my faith journey. Instead of asking if I am willing and ready to follow Christ, this view forces me to ask if I am willing and ready to do anything BUT follow Christ. If there are still other options besides Christ’s way in my life, I have missed the point of following Christ in the first place.

In the second chapter of The Spirit of the Disciplines, Willard stressed the importance of intentional, planned discipleship with the goal of transformation. One point that seemed especially harsh, yet true, was that claiming to follow Christ but doing so without a plan is no better than intentionally planning not to follow Christ (9). This is true in our personal lives, but it is also true in our life together in Christian community. Willard stressed the importance of being intentional about the spiritual disciplines both in our personal lives and in our churches. If our churches do not have set plans for discipleship, complete with means to measure the success or failure of these efforts, Willard says that we have failed to embody the second half of the Great Commission (15). Furthermore, Willard says that if faithful, regular attendees of our churches are not transformed by the ministry, we have failed these individuals (18). Unfortunately, by these measures, many of our churches today are failing. In my personal context, this language of transformation caught my eye, as “transformation” is part of the mission statement of the United Methodist Church. Our mission statement is to “make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world.” It seems to me that perhaps my church’s mission statement is missing the second half of the Great Commission, or as Willard might say, perhaps we are making the “great omission” (15). We strive to make disciples for the purpose of transforming the world, but Willard stresses the importance of also transforming the disciples and “teaching them to obey everything that [Christ has] commanded [us]” (Matthew 28.20 NRSV). I would argue that the United Methodist Church is not failing to do this all together, but it is interesting to think about why we chose to emphasize the transformation of the world while omitting the transformation of the people in our congregations. Perhaps it is assumed…one can hope!

In the third chapter, Willard discussed salvation as a life and not simply as forgiveness of sins (33). This topic is one that is rather familiar to me, as this summer I read the book Shalom: The Bible’s Word for Salvation, Justice, and Peace by Perry Yoder. This book discussed in detail the biblical understanding of the word “shalom,” and in exploring this concept focused extensively on the concept of salvation as a physical, material, social, and political reality. Willard also noted this concept, emphasizing that salvation in Scripture is understood to be the “translation” into God’s Kingdom, here and now (40). He described life in God’s present Kingdom as “[living] in a different world” (37). One of the words that Yoder used in Shalom to describe this change from the world to God’s Kingdom was “transfer.” This word really resonated with me, as I have experienced a “transfer” in my life when I left ONU to come to Bluffton. For me, the word “transfer” brings up memories of a time of abrupt, radical change in my life not only from one school to another, but from one world to another. The atmosphere, the philosophy of education, the values, the faculty, the expectations…absolutely everything imaginable turned out to be completely different at Bluffton. My head was spinning for my first few weeks on campus, and it took me about half the semester to adjust to this new way of life and education. As I reflect on the idea of salvation as a “transfer” into God’s Kingdom, these memories and experiences that I associate with the word “transfer” inform my understanding of salvation. Just as transferring to Bluffton was a life-changing adventure for me, so salvation is the life-altering “transfer” into God’s Kingdom, here and now.

warning: academics ahead

So, classes start Monday. My blog will most likely reflect this (fantastic, long awaited) change in a few different ways. I just wanted to take a moment to give you all fair warning.

First of all, I’d like to point out my little bookshelf on the right side of this page. The books on my shelf are my textbooks for this semester, and it’s likely that I will be referencing them and/or quoting them in my blogs this semester.

Next, several of my classes require me to write journal entries and submit them online. Obviously, some of this will be more interesting than others. But there is a good possibility that I will post some of my journal entries on here.

In classes that don’t have journals as a requirement, and possibly even for those that do, I plan to use this blog to share quotes and reflect on the things I am learning in class…and outside of class, for that matter. And on that note, here comes the first textbook quote:

“The ultimate goal of biblical exegesis is not information but transformation. True exegesis is accomplished only when individuals and communities engage in the embodiment of the text.”
-Michael Gorman, Elements of Biblical Exegesis

See, this idea of “information” versus “transformation” really resonates with me, in my context as a student here at Bluffton. I came from a university with a strong focus on information. When I transferred to Bluffton, my whole life started changing…and it hasn’t stopped. At Bluffton, who we are becoming matters far more than where we are going. Character is valued over success. Education is about transforming, not just informing. That makes more difference than I can express in words.

But obviously, this quote is about more than the unique, world-class education offered at Bluffton University. It’s about biblical exegesis! One of my classes this semester is Old Testament Exegetical Studies: Wisdom Literature. So, I get to dive into exegesis this semester! I can’t wait to spend huge amounts of time engaging scripture in this incredible community. You will no doubt hear a LOT about this over the next 15 weeks.

I can’t wait to see what God has in store for this semester. I can’t wait to see what God is going to teach me both inside and outside the classroom, through professors and friends, through books and late night conversations. Education by transformation blurs the lines between education and life. I can’t tell you where my classes end and my life begins…where homework ends and discipleship begins…

And that’s a beautiful thing.



Pray Peace. Make Peace. Live Peace.

Katie :)

great in your midst

It’s hard to believe that I’ve been back at Bluffton for two days already! I moved back onto campus on Tuesday, which was a rather warm experience both in terms of temperature and welcome! And I spent the past two days at the fall retreat for Bluffton’s Leadership Development Program. Basically, campus student leaders and student life faculty spend a couple days together at our nature preserve. Tomorrow the new students (first years and transfers) move in, followed by returning students on Saturday and Sunday! My amazing roommate returns home to campus on Saturday, so I am REALLY looking forward to that day! :) The weekend is filled with all kinds of welcome back activities, and classes start Monday! I am also really looking forward to that day!

So, how has my sophomore year been so far? Pretty fantastic. If this is any indication of what is to come, it’s going to be an incredible year. Being on campus four days earlier than most everyone I hang out with has been a great opportunity to get to know new people and turn acquaintances into friends. The LDP retreat was time well spent. It was very Bluffton…full of community and joy and fun and God and growth and laughter! We played lots of community-building (and just plain fun) games, learned how to understand and use our God-given gifts and strengths, and worshiped together. The first day was mostly ice-breakers and introduction to the leadership material we covered, followed by a bonfire, singing, smores, and a night hike! I’m not much of a hiker, but I decided to go on the night hike simply because the nature preserve closes at dusk, so it was my one chance to see it in the dark! One of the most memorable parts of the hike was crossing the giant swinging bridge over the creek in the pitch dark with about 50 other people, most of whom were JUMPING! It was terrifying! But since I survived, it’s one of those epic college memories! We also got to see the nature preserve lake with the super bright moon glowing in the sky, which was stunning! And last but not least, we got to make fireworks in our mouths with lifesaver mints. (quote: "this is the only time in your lives that you'll be asked to chew with your mouth really wide open while someone else looks in!") If you’ve never tried this, you really should. It was so much fun!

Then today we went more in-depth with our training on gifts and strengths-based leadership, played lots more games, sang crazy songs, put on skits about life at Bluffton, did guided meditation with our dean, and spent time brainstorming and planning for our organizations. My favorite part of the day was this crazy game called “It’s A What?” Basically, it is a game where tons of people sit in a circle and pass items around the circle in rhythm, telling one neighbor what the item is while listening to see what the next item is at well. I realize this sounds ridiculous and like no fun at all, but it is absolutely hilarious. And guided meditation was pretty cool too…different than what I’m used to, but it was a good experience!

Throughout the retreat, I couldn’t help but think about how unique Bluffton is. There is something so wonderful about being at a college where it is normal and expected for faculty and students to spend time getting to know one another, worshiping God together, and sharing lots and lots of laughter! I love this place so much because it’s a Kingdom community….a community where who we are together is greater than who we could be alone. A community that pushes me to do and think and become things I could never have imagined. A community in which God lives and breathes.

“Sing praises to God, for God has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth. Shout aloud and sing for joy, O royal Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.”
–Isaiah 12.5-6

Great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.

God is here.

Katie :)

and so it begins :)

Three days from now I’ll be all settled into my room at Bluffton, reunited with my friends and happy to be back on the campus that has become my home. It’s hard to believe summer is over and it’s time to move back to school…but I couldn’t be more excited! I never wanted to leave Bluffton in the first place!

So, in honor of the beginning of my sophomore year, I wanted to share some of my favorite pictures from spring semester of my freshman year! These people and these places have stolen my heart. :)

Campus from above :)

 

Centennial Hall…this is where the majority of classes are held!

One of my favorite pictures of campus! The Riley Creek and the library field, where most of the outdoor fun takes place :)

Adams Bridge leading to my dorm!

The stunning lake at our nature preserve!

Erin came to visit during the Riley Creek Fest!

Bethany & Erin in the bounce house!

Jake rode the bull. Oh yes, he did.

May Day. Epic tradition that involves dressing freshmen like this, tying them to a pole, and making them dance. Only at Bluffton.

And last but not least…my wonderful roomie and I!! She edited this picture….we are just THAT Bluffton spirited!!

As I look at these pictures, I can’t help but smile as I remember the memories I’ve already made at Bluffton and look forward to the adventures that await me this school year! I have no doubt that this school year is going to be incredible…I love what I am studying, I love where I am, and I love the people who are with me! I couldn’t ask for more!

Katie :)

meteors, stars, & love i don’t deserve.

Last night my dad and I decided to go outside and watch the meteor shower. We grabbed lawn chairs and headed out back. We spent about an hour sitting outside, staring into the night sky, watching for meteors. We saw three.

Three meteors.

Now, if I’m being honest, I was hoping for some sort of spectacular laser light show in the sky. Something like this:



Seriously. Three meteors in an hour.

This got me thinking. (doesn’t everything?) I started thinking about three things: creation, entitlement, and waiting.

Creation.

“Who alone does great wonders,
   for God’s steadfast love endures for ever;
who by understanding made the heavens,
   for God’s steadfast love endures for ever;
who spread out the earth on the waters,
    for God’s steadfast love endures for ever;
who made the great lights,
   for God’s steadfast love endures for ever;
the sun to rule over the day,
   for God’s steadfast love endures for ever;
the moon and stars to rule over the night,
   for God’s steadfast love endures for ever.”
-Psalm 136.4-9

I used to hate the word “creation.” In my mind, it was directly linked with literal creationism and nature, two things I have disliked for most of my life. But as I’ve studied scripture and other things at Bluffton, God as Creator has been at the core of much of what I’ve learned. I’ve come to terms with the fact that God as Creator is a powerful image of who God is, and that identity echoes true throughout scripture and history. In a strange turn of events (also known as my faith journey), as I have embraced God’s identity as Creator, I have embraced God’s creation. What can I say? God gets me every time.

So anyway, back to meteors. Last night, as I stared into the night sky and saw three tiny meteors, I couldn’t help but smile knowing that my God created those meteors. All three of them. And perhaps more notably, my God created ALL the other stars in the sky. Which leads to my next thought…

Entitlement.

God created every star in the sky. Yet as I sat there waiting to see the next meteor, I realized something: I was ignoring all the other stars.

According to this article, there are at least 70 sextillion stars in the known universe. I can’t even wrap my mind around that figure. But I’m so used to all those stars, the “usual” stars in the sky, that I found myself ignoring the beauty of the clear, star-filled night in my attempt to see the meteor shower. Then, when the “shower” only consisted of three meteors in an hour, I felt disappointed.

There is something seriously wrong with this picture. I think it boils down to the word “entitlement.” Somehow, my 19 years walking this earth has given me the idea that I “deserve” the regular stars. They are nothing special. They’ve been here forever. Why would I bother going outside to see that? But in reality, each night as the stars shine in the sky, that is a miracle…a spectacular work of art created and sustained by the beautiful, good, faithful God I love. When I look at these stars that have been shining since the beginning of time, I should be reminded of God and God’s love toward humanity that has been shining in my life and the lives of my ancestors since the beginning of time...love that none of us could ever deserve. I could never deserve God or any of the things of God. I could never deserve the redemptive love of Christ. I could never deserve the sustaining power of the Spirit. I could never deserve the 70 sextillion stars in the sky. How could I forget?

“Do you still not perceive or understand?
Are your hearts hardened?
Do you have eyes, and fail to see?
Do you have ears, and fail to hear?
And do you not remember?”
-Mark 8.17-18

Waiting.

“Be still, and know that I am God!
I am exalted among the nations,
   I am exalted in the earth.”
-Psalm 46.10

Earlier this summer, I was having a conversation about this passage with some friends. One of them said, “You know? I can’t remember the last time I was still and knew anything.”

I remembered that comment last night while we were watching the (lack of) meteor shower. If nothing else, I was still. And I was pretty sure I knew that God was God.

I started thinking about the meaning of this verse. First of all, being still- mind, body, and soul- is really hard to do. (at least for me!) And when I do manage to be still, usually I associate “knowing that [God] is God” with some sort of experience of God. My attempt at living out this passage usually goes something like this: “Okay, God. I’m still. Now that I’m still, how about if You stop being so still…let’s do this thing!”

But I think God has some different ideas. Sometimes, when we expect a fireworks display, God gives us three meteors in the course of an hour.

Isn’t that how God works? That’s why scripture tells us to be still and know that GOD is God…because if we were God, we’d get fireworks. But instead, we quiet our souls and wait, knowing that our God is God…

And we stand in awe of the meteors.

All three of them.

Pray Peace. Make Peace. Live Peace.

Katie :)

trailers, new friends, and a seminary i swore i’d never love: reflections on my time in Columbus

I had plans to spend a couple weeks on a mission trip this summer, but at the last minute some complex circumstances forced me to stay home. The circumstances surrounding this decision have profoundly impacted my faith and forced me to struggle with what it means to live that faith in broken places and situations. Broken is really an understatement. These circumstances have consumed my mind, my heart, my tears, and my prayers. I have so many unanswered questions.

Shortly after I made the decision to stay home, I got a phone call about an opportunity to serve on a mission team in Columbus, Ohio. This mission trip happened to start on the same day I had planned to leave. I had a feeling that God was up to something, so I started packing and two days later I headed down to Columbus.

The first few days of my trip were spent working on a mission team with some fabulous people from St. Paul’s and Monroe St. United Methodist churches in Toledo. I never would have imagined that I would make new friends in Toledo on a trip to Columbus, but that’s how God works! Our mission team served in Hispanic ministry at a trailer park. Half of the team put on a VBS for the kids at the trailer park, and half of the team built 12 new porches for families there. I helped with crafts at VBS, and it was lots of fun! Not only was this mission trip an opportunity to serve God & neighbor, it was also an opportunity to build relationships with wonderful people across the connection! Throughout the weekend, I had so many conversations and experiences that pushed me closer to the heart of God. I know God better because I had the opportunity to serve (and live!) alongside these great people for a few days, and that is a beautiful thing!

The second half of my trip to Columbus was spent visiting LOTS of my favorite United Methodists. I have so many wonderful friends and mentors who live in Columbus, and Annual Conference is usually the only time we have a chance to visit. But since I was in the Methodist center of the world (not really, it only feels like that), I planned to see them…ALL of them. I spent three entire days visiting, drinking coffee, sharing meals, worshiping, having great conversation…with too many people to count! It was wonderful. If you were one of the people who shared that time with me, thank you! Thank you for hospitality, for encouragement, for laughter! Thank you for engaging me in my call, for sharing in my journey, and for sharing your journey with me.

On my way home from Columbus, I stopped at Methodist Theological School in Ohio for a campus visit. My mom went to seminary at MTSO, so I’ve always sworn that I wouldn’t go there. (just like I always swore I wouldn’t go into ministry…) But I actually liked MTSO…a lot. Being on campus made me want to spend more time there. I think I would be very happy there, which probably cracks God up as much as it cracks me up. My seminary search is far from over, but for now I’ll just keep laughing and we’ll see what the future holds.

This trip to Columbus turned out to be the highlight of my summer. I wasn't even supposed to be in this country that week, let alone in the state. But from the moment I arrived in Columbus until the moment I left, I knew that I was exactly where God wanted me and exactly where I needed to be. It was perfect. And I guess that’s how God works...only God could transform a complex, painful mess into a perfect, beautiful week.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
-Isaiah 55.8-9

Pray Peace. Make Peace. Live Peace.

Katie :)